From Under a Sibling’s Shadow to Finding His Own Space

From Under a Sibling’s Shadow to Finding His Own Space
Oct 5, 2024

Teaching siblings is both a joy and a delicate balancing act—especially when they’re as different as C and H. Both boys are great students, thanks to their supportive parents. Their dad was actually one of my first teenage students when I moved to town years ago. We reconnected online, and that's how I began teaching his sons.

But being the "second cello player" in the family weighs on H, the younger brother. Even though he started playing at three and still loves it, it's hard for H to escape his older brother’s shadow.

"The Best Lesson of His Life"

This morning, H quietly thanked me after his lesson—typical of his reserved nature. But then, his mom came back into the room and told me, “H just said it was the best lesson of his life.” For an 8-year-old, that’s high praise. I hadn’t even thought the lesson was that productive. I’d only tried to make him feel better.

Small breakthroughs matter to kids. For H, this lesson wasn’t about perfect technique—it was about feeling seen and celebrated for his progress.

The Lesson

When H arrived, he looked upset. I asked gently if anything had happened. He admitted he'd had a spat with his brother during golf practice. His cheeks were sun-tanned and sweaty, with mud smudges here and there.

"Go wash up, and you'll feel better," I suggested. He returned with a small smile, but still sluggish. It clearly wasn’t the day for routine drills, so I called it a “Plan B day.” I let H choose what he wanted to play, and he picked a new scale I’d assigned last week—one his brother hadn’t learned yet. His spirits lifted as we made up simple melodies using the scale.

Next, I let H choose between two pieces—neither of which C had ever studied. He chose the slower one, and his enthusiasm grew. The shift in approach worked wonders; he quickly adapted to the piece and was smiling by the end.

Embracing Unique Strengths

Teaching H reminds me of The Shape of Me and Other Stuff by Dr. Seuss. It’s all about celebrating uniqueness. Just as I did with my own daughters, I tailor my approach to each student’s “shape.”

C thrives on structure and step-by-step learning. He’s a perfectionist who loves to fine-tune details. H, on the other hand, learns best by ear and instinct, excelling in shifting but struggling with reading music. I focus on nurturing his natural musicality, introducing technical work once he feels the music.

Helping Each Brother Find Their Voice

Both brothers need to feel valued in their own right. With C, I push for precision. With H, I emphasize his ear for music. The goal is to ensure that neither feels compared to the other.

This morning, H’s comment wasn’t about a perfect lesson—it was about stepping out of his brother’s shadow. That’s what I aim for as a teacher: helping every student find joy in their own progress.

A Note for Teachers

It’s not easy to honor each student’s uniqueness. It takes wisdom to know when to focus on weaknesses and when to let strengths shine. But when we tailor our approach to each student’s "shape," teaching becomes truly fulfilling.

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